Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
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If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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