This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize