i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
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Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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