I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
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Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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