FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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