This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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