I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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