flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize