I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize