Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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