Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
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Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize