If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize