Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize