I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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