i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
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The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
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it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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