I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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