Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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