i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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