So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
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according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize