Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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