this beer tastes like vomit already
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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