I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize