Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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