margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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