i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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