I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize