In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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