so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
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so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
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Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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