she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Even the bartender felt bad for me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize