Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize