Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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