i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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