So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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