your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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