Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
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I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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