I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
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Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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