I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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