god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize