if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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