That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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