we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize