yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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