im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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