from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
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No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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