I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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