just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
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I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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