Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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