I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize