I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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