Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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